In a stunning development that left many Americans feeling greener than their wallets, cannabis taxes have skyrocketed to an unprecedented 85%, positioning our nation’s stoners as the country’s unexpected financial saviors. With rates higher than a college freshman on their first 4/20, the new tax hike has prompted outrage, confusion, and, in some cases, strangely patriotic vibes among cannabis enthusiasts across the country.

The tax hike comes as state and federal governments scramble to find new revenue sources to address the national debt, evidently deciding that the answer was right under their noses—or rather, in their grinders. Economists estimate that with enough cannabis sales, the U.S. might actually chip away at its trillion-dollar debt, and all it’ll take is a few extra dollars added to every pre-roll, edible, and vape cartridge.

“I’m not saying I mind pitching in,” said local dispensary regular and newly minted tax hero Jerry, exhaling a cloud of surprisingly fruity smoke. “But 85%? That’s, like, one part taxation, one part extortion. At this rate, my stash might actually become a better investment than my 401(k).”

The tax hike has already sparked a wave of consumer creativity, as stoners explore more economical ways to maintain their high. For some, this has meant a return to “the old ways,” turning their back on dispensaries to embrace DIY methods. “I’ve got a little herb garden in my kitchen now,” said one dedicated smoker, showing off his window setup of basil, mint, and “other greens.” “Who knew I’d be growing my own just to save a buck?”

Dispensary owners, meanwhile, are facing a different kind of buzz—one that involves unpaid invoices and baffled accountants. “We’re basically the new tech billionaires, minus the billions and the private jets,” lamented Marty Kushman, a dispensary manager from California. “I mean, we’re just trying to make a living selling good vibes and chill afternoons, but apparently, that’s enough to finance a small country now.”

State governments, however, are already celebrating their windfall, envisioning a utopian future in which cannabis cash funds everything from road repairs to social services. “By 2025, we anticipate that our entire highway infrastructure will be held up by nothing but cannabis revenue,” said Governor Mary Greenleaf at a recent press conference. “That, and our city’s new art museum, will be 100% stoner-funded. We may even throw in a free annual concert series in honor of our tax contributors. Just think of it: ‘Blazed Fest.’”

But not everyone is so optimistic. Advocates argue that the exorbitant taxes are more likely to drive consumers back to the black market than fund public projects. “This is what happens when a joint costs as much as a fancy dinner,” said advocacy group leader Ed “Edibles” Thompson, who believes the tax rate is unsustainable. “I mean, who’s going to pay for the roads when everyone’s buying their weed from Jerry down the street?”

Despite the protests, the government seems determined to keep cannabis users in the high-tax bracket. And while no official plans have been confirmed, rumors are swirling of a new ad campaign that will target stoners directly with slogans like, “Light Up for a Better Future” and “Every Puff Gets Us Closer to Zero Debt.”

As the dust (and smoke) settles around this unprecedented tax rate, the U.S. finds itself at a crossroads. Could cannabis taxes be the answer to our fiscal woes, or are we simply overrelying on an industry that’s, well, rolling in revenue? Either way, one thing is clear: the American stoner has officially become a national treasure.