LONG BEACH, CA– Cannabis dispensaries across the country are experiencing an unexpected surge in sales after the shocking announcement that Warped Tour, the iconic punk rock festival of millennial youth, is making a comeback. Reports suggest that millennials are flocking to dispensaries in droves, seeking “emotional support pre-rolls” to help manage the whirlwind of angst, nostalgia, and trauma that only a Warped Tour lineup can inspire.

“I didn’t think I’d ever have to relive my 2005 side-bang trauma,” said 33-year-old Lily Harmon, clutching a fresh pack of indica gummies. “I heard My Chemical Romance might headline, and suddenly I’m back in eighth grade, begging my mom to let me dye my hair black.”

Dispensary staff have reported a significant increase in requests for strains marketed as “chill-inducing,” “cringe-combatting,” and “band-tee balancing,” with some dispensaries even creating Warped Tour-themed bundles to cater to this unique demand. Many millennials confessed they just “needed something” to help manage the emotional rollercoaster of reliving their angst-ridden youth.

“We’ve got everything from emo edibles to pop-punk prerolls to get folks through this,” said one dispensary manager. “Millennials are embracing it fully—decked out in studded belts and all.”

For millennials, the return of Warped Tour is a rare moment of both excitement and existential dread. Whether they’re hyped to relive their youth or hoping a good strain can keep their adult dignity intact, dispensaries are ready to support this nostalgic generation as they prepare to sing, scream, and maybe shed a tear to the soundtrack of their adolescenceis time around—this time more subdued, with a pre-roll in hand, and way, way far back outside of the pit.