In a twist few saw coming, over 50 cannabis companies are facing fines for allegedly misleading customers with promises of “fast-acting” effects. State regulators cracked down on brands with slogans like “Feel It Fast” and “Immediate Vibes” that, in reality, often leave consumers marooned on their sofas waiting for that “speedy” relief to kick in.

“It’s like waiting for a text back that never comes,” said Adam Chisholm, who filed a complaint after downing a bag of ‘Rapid Relaxation Gummies.’ “I took one, waited, ate another, then the whole bag… only to feel it around midnight when I’d already written it off as a dud.”

The fines come amid growing frustration with terms like “fast” being thrown around loosely. Sandra Kitterly, spokesperson for Swift Bliss Edibles (fined $50,000), insisted “fast” is all about perspective. “Fast is subjective,” Kitterly said. “We tell customers it depends on individual metabolism, body weight, and even, like, if they had lunch. Legally, four hours is practically a blink in THC terms.”

But consumers feel differently. “I thought ‘fast-acting’ meant, you know… fast,” said Penny Wolfe, head of Consumers Against Timeless Edibles (CATE). “Instead, it’s more like a ‘maybe-acting’ effect where you start wondering if you’re just ‘pretending’ to feel high.”

While regulators aim to stop what they call “time-bending” marketing, companies are pivoting. Golden Hour Edibles rebranded their “fast-acting” line as “Kinda Quick! Kinda Quicker Than Slow!” Meanwhile, Ponder Puffs now includes a “waiting ritual” meditation guide for customers who want to “embrace the journey.”

Not everyone’s convinced. Wolfe is adamant that for $30 a bag, “fast” should mean less than the length of a full Lord of the Rings movie. As fines roll in, customers are left to wonder: should they eat more or wait it out? Perhaps only time—and a lot of it—will tell.