WASHINGTON—In a bold move to promote “informed decision-making,” Congress has passed the “Try Before You Vote Act,” which mandates that all voters must have firsthand experience with cannabis before casting a ballot on legalization measures. “How can someone really weigh in on cannabis without ever having, you know, experienced it?” said Senator Jim Peters, who championed the bill. “You wouldn’t vote on the Grand Canyon without at least seeing a picture.”

To accommodate voters, polling stations will feature optional “experience booths” staffed by certified “Cannabis Guides.” Though some officials are skeptical, Peters remains confident. “We just want voters to be fully, shall we say, educated,” he clarified.