When you’re high, everyone is an expert (and no one’s mad about it.)

SACRAMENTO—In an unprecedented effort to foster unity in a nation more divided than a holiday dinner table, political scientists are now recommending that Americans simply get high together before attempting any serious discussion. “Frankly, it’s probably our last chance,” said Dr. Ira Knowles, who has published studies on both the degradation of civil discourse and the calming effects of a perfectly rolled joint. “We’re at a point where even the mere sight of someone’s bumper sticker can send people into a rage spiral. We thought, ‘What if everyone just took a step back, lit up, and rethought their positions?’”

As part of the proposed program, dubbed Operation Green Olive Branch, Americans would gather in designated “Puff & Pontificate” zones—peaceful havens equipped with beanbags, lava lamps, and dispensary representatives ready to recommend the best strains for “debate-induced headaches.” Before discussing any hot-button issues, participants would receive a mild, empathy-enhancing sativa and be required to watch five minutes of Bob Ross painting a cabin in the woods.

Supporters of the program argue that cannabis could be the ultimate equalizer. “Imagine if we could actually listen to each other without immediately plotting our comebacks. That’s what cannabis offers,” said Knowles, adding that the “munchies” effect could be equally beneficial. “There’s nothing like sharing a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos to remind people they’re not so different.”

Not all politicians are on board, however. Senator Norm Prigg (R-TX) expressed his deep concerns about the “relaxing epidemic,” as he calls it. “It starts with a puff, then suddenly you’re willing to ‘see the other side.’ What’s next, hugging people who voted differently? I can’t let that happen in my district,” said Prigg, adding that “real Americans can debate without passing snacks.”

Meanwhile, the opposition isn’t limited to the red states. Governor Carla Stark (D-NY) warned of the “giggle problem,” in which people, especially at the state level, might find policies actually funny. “Sure, the debates might be less hostile, but we have serious concerns about everyone laughing at every zoning proposal,” said Stark. “Last time we tried this in Albany, we passed a motion to install public slip n’ slides. Fun, yes, but practical? Questionable.”

Despite the pushback, Knowles is confident that once enough Americans get a “unity joint” in hand, peace will become not just possible, but probable. “It’s basic psychology—when you’re baked, the most important thing in life is finding the TV remote. People care less about making others feel small,” he explained.

And so, as the pilot program rolls out this November in select states, perhaps we’ll finally see a nation where people care less about “winning” the debate and more about “feeling the vibe.”make everyone suddenly insightful, at least it’ll make the conversation… tolerable.